The more I learn about low libido sex drives, the more I am convinced that there needs to be a shift in the way sexuality is taught and perceived. Say for example, if a woman says she has little to no sex drive, does that mean that’s how she really is or is that an indication something isn’t quite right? Or, say a woman has a high libido. If the majority of her counter parts are low libido, does that mean she is not normal or, is it actually an indication that maybe, just maybe, a low libido woman does not have to stay low and that being low does not have to be normal?
One of the biggest lies that people believe regarding female sexuality is that a low libido is normal. While it is true that close to 75% of women claim to be LL, that commonality does not equate normal. Yes it’s very common for women to have low libidos but no, it is not normal.
How can I say that you ask? Let’s look at Song of Solomon. If you’ve never done a word study on this book, I suggest you do that together with your spouse. Some of the metaphors and imagery used here by the author is quite astounding. The Shulamite woman is equally interested in her Beloved as he is interested in her. The words they use to describe their bodies showed they had no shame in what they were enjoying.
The relationship between the Shulamite woman and her Beloved can be likened to the church’s relationship with Christ. Christ did everything for His bride, the church. Many have received, many have not. Those who have not received can make excuses of why they have not. But ultimately it is because they just haven’t made the choice. Once that choice has been made, the relationship flourishes as it should have all along.
So it is in marriage. God has laid out all that He has designed the marriage to be through Christ. Christ loved the church as His bride, gave up His life for her and showed us that this was the prime example of how a husband was to love his wife. Sexual relations were designed by God for both to enjoy, not just one. God gave the ability to enjoy sex to both the man and the woman, not just one. God did not create either sex with a deficiency. He designed them to complement and fulfill each other completely. He really knew what He was doing.
So why the mess? Well there are a myriad of reasons. But one of the most common reasons is that people think ‘this is just the way I am’. I too used to think exactly like that. I didn’t enjoy sex. I didn’t want sex. I thought this was normal and I was not interested in being anything different. I didn’t want sex so don’t you dare MAKE ME! I just wanted to be me, and the thought of being sexual made me feel like I would lose who I was.
That my friend is the problem. Being sexual is NOT being somebody else, but rather embracing the ability and desire that God already placed inside of you. It’s not being somebody different so much as being who God made you to be.
Now when I say that a LL woman(or even a man) is not normal, I am not saying that something is wrong with you, as in deficient in some way, or physically with your body, or anything like that. On the contrary. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG OR ABNORMAL WITH YOU! The thing that needs changing though is your thinking. You don’t need a boob job or drugs (albeit some people greatly benefit from these) or hormone therapy or even a personality change. What you need to do is line up your thinking with the truth about sex. Your body will follow. This kind of change comes from the inside out, not the outside in. Change in any area only comes when a new belief or a new way of thinking takes its place. Get your mind engaged and the rest will come. Read books. Search out good Christian sex bloggers. Do your own studies. Put yourself on a new path to sexual freedom in your marriage.